Chain reaction
CONIFER – Jean Claude was very specific. He wanted a single set of tire chains that would snuggly fit tires of two different sizes. Well versed on the topic of tire chains, the auto parts store manager explained to Jean Claude that no single set would accommodate multiple tire sizes. Believing himself better equipped than Manager to make that call, Jean Claude betook himself to review the store’s catalog and selected a single set of tire chains he judged “will work.” Not wanting to scotch a sale, but mindful of her professional duty, Manager advised Jean Claude that the set he selected “won’t do what you want.” What Jean Claude wanted was less “won’t” and more “ring it up,” and left with his purchase heading west. Jean Claude was back within 24 hours, a busted set of chains in his hands and harsh criticisms on his lips. The chains Manager sold him “won’t work on different-sized tires!” he railed. “You people don’t know what you’re doing!” he fumed. “I want my money back!” he howled. Ignoring for the moment her original advice to the cussing customer, Manager simply explained to Jean Claude that she couldn’t refund him for chains he’d already broken. Flying into a spitting hissy, Jean Claude eventually had to be escorted to the door. Fearing she might not have seen the last of the caustic client, Manager asked JCSO to get Jean Claude on the horn and formally trespass him from the premises.
Advise and dissent
PINE – Norton and Kramden inhabit the same RV camp, occupying spaces near to each other. On the night of Feb. 27, Norton dropped by Kramden’s pad for strong cocktails and easy chatter. As alcohol-oiled dialogues often do, talk soon turned to the maudlin and Kramden eventually revealed to Norton certain dissatisfactions he was experiencing. More inclined to moral instruction than quiet empathy, Norton started critiquing Kramden’s personal choices with great authority. Long about the 10th time the words “You shouldn’t have done that” spilled out of Norton’s mouth, Kramden popped his self-appointed life coach in the kisser. Retreating to his own trailer, Norton called 911 to report the assault, but neglected to give his slot number. In hunting around the camp searching for the complainant, responding deputies encountered Kramden, who brought them up to speed on the earlier affray and pointed them in Norton’s direction. Having had time to reflect on his own life choices, Norton declined to press charges.
Follow that car!
EVERGREEN – The incident, such as it was, started at about 2:30 p.m. on Feb. 27. Cherokee was driving home to Evergreen on Hwy 285. Falling in behind her near Santa Fe Boulevard, Lexus was on his way home to Littleton. The way Lexus tells it, Cherokee would “constantly speed up and slow down,” which caused him to feel anger and frustration. Lexus addressed those feelings by alternately and persistently “tailgating” and “brake-checking” Cherokee all the way up the mountain, apparently determined to find out where Cherokee lives and report her poor driving to authorities. Beset by complex feelings herself, Cherokee dialed 911 and alerted officers that she was making a bee-line for the JCSO mountain substation, where a clueless Lexus pulled in right behind her. Confronted by a tearful Cherokee and glowering deputies, Lexus allowed that it’s not impossible that he could have handled a minor traffic annoyance better. Officers agreed, citing Lexus for careless driving and harassment. Lexus manfully accepted the citations, as well as his role in the preposterous pursuit. “I own it,” he announced, bravely.
Slide fault
EVERGREEN – Elsa was shoveling out the foot of her driveway when her neighbor, Jadis, came home. Jadis angrily commanded to Elsa to cease and desist, saying that Elsa was “blocking my driveway with snow.” Elsa insisted that she had every right to shovel her driveway, and that if she didn’t it would “freeze and turn to ice.” Jadis wasn’t buying it. “Fine!” huffed Elsa. “You shovel, then.” Jadis called 911, saying that Elsa “threw her shovel at me.” Contacted by deputies, Elsa assured them she’d merely “dropped” the shovel and it “slid” down the hill toward Jadis on its own responsibility. After auditing Elsa’s surveillance footage, officers fingered the shovel as the primary aggressor and closed the case.