Love hurts
CONIFER — It was long after midnight, and the caller was beside herself. She’d heard a woman’s blood-curdling scream issued from a nearby residence and then only silence. Deputies raced to the scene and, approaching from the street, observed through the window a raven-haired beauty slumped inside on the couch, sobbing inconsolably. Detecting nothing obviously illegal underway, the officers cautiously knocked on the door and explained to Weeping Beauty and her husband, Prince Charmless, about the terrible shriek and their neighbor’s alarming report. Prince explained that he and Weeping had, in fact, been arguing pretty much solid that evening, chalking it up to “typical miscommunication between a guy and a girl.” His wife’s current distress, he hastened to add, wasn’t his fault. It seems that Weepy and the Prince own a pair of devoted hounds who miss them terribly when they’re away. Arriving home from the bar at about midnight, Prince had just unlocked the front door when the love-starved creatures came crashing through it like two drooling artillery shells, blasting the outer glass door into Weeping’s delicate alabaster arm. “I yelled ‘Ow!’” she explained. Given that the red mark on Weeping’s arm was a spot-on match for the door handle, and that the law holds no power over the strength of a dog’s affection, deputies closed the case.
Sorry, wrong number
EVERGREEN — Jubel ordered an HTC Touch Pro2 cell phone online and was assured his new technology would arrive within seven business days. Overcome with anticipation, he called on Day 6 to find out exactly where the beautiful device was and precisely when he’d be able to hold it in his adoring hands. Jubel was told that the phone had been delivered the day after he ordered it, although the postal carrier noted that because nobody answered his knock, he’d left the parcel on the doorstep. Jubel suspected the package had been left on the wrong doorstep, as he shares a driveway with two other residences and “none of them have properly marked addresses.” Thing is, neither of his neighbors had been seen gloating over a factory-fresh HTC Touch Pro2 cell phone. Deputies wondered exactly what Jubel wanted them to do for him. Jubel said a replacement wouldn’t be sent without a police report. Deputies wrote him a police report.