Stuck at the office
WELLINGTON LAKE — It was nearly midnight on Jan. 14 when a worried wife asked JCSO to find her far-faring husband. While they live in Colorado Springs, she explained, Husband works in South Jeffco and western Park County. And while that’s a heckuva commute, Wife continued, he’s always back in Olympic City by 5 o’clock. Keen to help Wife find her missing mate, but careful to collect as much information as possible, deputies asked A) if Husband had friends in South Jeffco that might have loaned him a couch for the evening or B) if domestic complications might have prompted Husband to vanish voluntarily. Assured by Wife that A) Husband had no personal connections in the area and B) she and Husband were getting along swimmingly, officers began patrolling back roads and byways and soon located Husband’s vehicle stuck fast in a snow bank. Husband was provided transportation to Lakewood and Wife was notified of his rescue.
Why ask Y?
PINE JUNCTION — At about 8 o’clock on the night of Jan. 12, a 911 caller advised JCSO dispatch that he’d just deposited a wheelchair-bound passenger on the shoulder of U.S. Highway 285 and suggested that somebody come pick him up. Undoubtedly wondering what could possibly induce somebody to abandon a disabled person by the side of the road, officers soon got their answer. Quickly locating the marooned man, deputies immediately determined him to be as mad as hops, obscenely ornery and, apparently, artificially accelerated. Repeatedly asked his name, he would only answer “With a ‘Y’.” While awaiting medical transport, he “attempted to grab” one of the officers, but only succeeded in unseating himself. Passed into the care of paramedics, he answered the EMTs’ efforts with a rapid-fire stream of red-hot abuse. Suspecting that some form of “speed” was fueling the fellow’s foul-mouthed fits, paramedics packed him off to St. Anthony for evaluation.
Boarder dispute
EVERGREEN — The property manager who called JCSO on Jan. 18 said the home’s owner lives out of state and the couple occupying its basement had no right to be there. When asked to vamoose, Manager told deputies, the stubborn squatters became “confrontational” and accused her of “performing a home invasion.” Manager handed the officers a set of house keys and requested that they dislodge the unlawful lodgers. Knocking first, deputies received no reply from within. Letting themselves inside, they were met by an “aggressive dog” and an antagonistic woman who announced that “there’s nobody downstairs.” Venturing downstairs anyway, officers immediately encountered Mr. and Mrs. Squatter, who told them they had “no right to come into the basement.” Officers explained that they’d been granted that right by the home’s owner, who had also asked that they depopulate the premises forthwith. After watching Mrs. Squatter depart with official assistance on an outstanding arrest warrant, Mr. Squatter left of his own accord.
Lost for words
EVERGREEN — The evening of Jan. 17 had started out so pleasantly. Man and Wife met at a local restaurant for a nice dinner and drinks. Sadly, they chose to converse during the meal, which in hindsight was probably a mistake. Man told Wife that recent domestic developments had caused him to question their present parenting policies. Man’s remarks caused Wife to angrily question Man’s good sense and character. When Man briefly left the table to answer Nature’s call, Wife left the table permanently. Assuming he’d find Wife fuming in the car, Man was alarmed to discover the vehicle empty and called 911 to report her missing. Deputies eventually came across Wife wandering cold and tired along the shoulder of Bergen Parkway and asked after her situation. Wife explained that she “didn’t like (Man’s) comment” and had bolted in protest, but the dramatic demonstration had gone somewhat awry when she became “lost because it’s dark out.” Wife wondered if officers might succeed where she had failed. Deputies dropped her at her doorstep. Man was much relieved.