Evasion of privacy
INDIAN HILLS — It was approaching midnight on Nov. 18 when JCSO dispatch began receiving reports of shots fired in the neighborhood of Picutis Road. One alarmed citizen described three shots fired in rapid succession, followed a few minutes later by two more, all of them sounding “like they came from my front yard.” A second citizen felt certain the shots were fired from a “9mm handgun.” Although persistent patrols of local parks and pavements provided no pistol-packing perps, they did net a traffic stop for speeding and two unusually uncommunicative individuals. Although the driver, who gave his name as “(J-E-F-F),” denied firing any shots, he did say he’d heard some, except he couldn’t be sure if they were actual shots or “were coming from the video game we were playing.” The passenger, who declined to give officers a name on the principle that “I don’t like people knowing my (shtick),” also declined to remark on the topic at hand. After a quick records search yielded no good reason to further detain “(J-E-F-F),” better known to state and county as “(G-E-O-F-F).” deputies sent him away with a warning and closed the case.
Eggland’s Worst
SOUTH TURKEY CREEK — While a “repeated banging noise” against her house on the night of Nov. 18 failed to move homeowner to action, the high-cholesterol carnage visible everywhere out front the next morning prompted a call to JCSO. The volume and speed of the Grade AA blitzkrieg suggested a coordinated attack, although she couldn’t come up with a single likely suspect, much less a brood of them. Fortunately her vinyl siding was more than a match for the embryonic ammunition, and, since the guilty birds had long since flown the coop, officers are still scrambling for clues.
Elbow smack-aroni
EVERGREEN — Like she does most days, at 8 a.m. on Nov. 18 she parked her car in the Evergreen Parkway commercial center parking lot and went inside to begin her shift. Clocking off at 6:15 p.m., she walked outside to find everything exactly as she’d left it that morning with the notable exception of a side window, which was thoroughly shattered and laying inside the vehicle next to the center console. Observing that the damage was done by some blunted agency that left the broken shards firmly affixed to a plastic layer of tint, and unable to locate anything in the immediate vicinity that could be used to smash a window, investigating officers suspected the deed was done with a “fist, elbow, or something somewhat soft.” With a body of evidence also somewhat soft, deputies closed the case.
Cyber-scam snuffed
EVERGREEN — Mrs. Wick sells candles over the Internet from her home. About a month ago, a certain Ms. Waxman placed an order and sent a check for substantially more than the retail price of the goods. Mrs. Wick asked Ms. Waxman for a phone number so she could call and straighten out the discrepancy. Ms. Waxman wrote back saying she was hearing-impaired and thus confined to e-mail communication, but that Mrs. Wick should simply return the over-payment in the form of cash or a cashier’s check. Smelling smoke, Mrs. Wick didn’t cash Ms. Waxman’s check, and when a presumed friend of Waxman’s named T. Lyte tried to make a similar arrangement, Mrs. Wick yelled “fire!” Deputies instantly smelled the acrid scent of a smoldering phishing scheme, and warned Mrs. Wick that she was in danger of getting burned. Mrs. Wick tore up Ms. Waxman’s check, and since no actual money had had changed hands and no actual votives had been vended, officers had no actual crime to investigate.