Typically when we are having a conversation and the question pops up — “Why does this keep happening to me?” — it is most often regarding something negative or a bad or troubling situation. I mean, most people never really contemplate that same question when things are going well, or do they?
We all have those people in our lives who lament or dwell on why bad or troubling things keep happening to them, and although some of them just think it to themselves over and over again, others will make sure they continue to ask you, me, and anyone else who will listen that same question, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
So let’s look at this in two ways. First let’s think about the people we know who are continuously in this situation and walk around like Eeyore from “Winnie-the-Pooh.” Do they really want to find a solution to the recurring problems or do they just want to keep the embers of discouragement and disappointment burning so that they can share their problems with anyone who will listen? Or are they just so stuck in a bad cycle and so close to the situation that they really do need help in figuring out an escape route or new strategy? Assuming they truly want to break the cycle, there are many options including counseling, change in attitude, change in behaviors, and other solutions they can pursue.
The second way to look at this is understanding why there are people who ask the very same question, but ask it or state it in a positive way. They may ask or say something like, “I can’t believe this keeps happening to me, I am so very blessed.” They continue to meet new friends, experience success at work, build deeper relationships, achieve goals, realize dreams, and live in a sense of inspired purpose and comforting peace.
The difference between the two is the attitude and the behaviors. The person who can claim that they are blessed or lucky lives with an attitude of gratitude. They live in a spirit of servant leadership, they give of themselves and give back financially where they can, and they also live with an abundance mentality as opposed to a scarcity mentality. People who think positively and are driven to act upon their goals with a sense of purpose and passion will never complain about why things keep happening to them; instead they will give thanks and show appreciation by continuing to expand upon the positive attitudes and behaviors that bring them peace, joy and satisfaction. These are the people who grow beyond success and into significance.
The business owner who has too much turnover or whose business is flat or declining, the salesperson who isn’t meeting quota, the person who is unhappy in their job, the spouse who is feeling unfulfilled, they may all ask the question “Why does this always happen to me?” But the business owner who is thriving, the salesperson who is exceeding expectations, the person who goes to work and adds value, and the couple who share in a loving and rewarding relationship will not ask the question, but rather make the statement, “I am so blessed that this keeps happening to me.”
It’s a tale of two stories, the sorrowful and woeful “Why does this keep happening to me,” and the hopeful and encouraged “This is so awesome that this keeps happening to me.” So which one is your story? Is there someone in your life that needs to hear this message, maybe read this column? If it is someone who is stuck in the negativity cycle, help them identify the changes that they may want to consider. And if it is someone who continues to be blessed, let them know that they are also a blessing to others through their example and thank them for encouraging you and others through the way they are living their lives. The attitude of gratitude goes such a long way to making a difference in all of our lives.
How about you? Are you trapped in the cycle or are you feeling lucky and blessed? I would love to hear your story at gotonorton@gmail.com, and when we take the high road with our attitudes and behaviors, it really will be a better than good week.
Michael Norton is a resident of Castle Rock, the former president of the Zig Ziglar Corporation, a strategic consultant and a business and personal coach.