I’d be happy if we got rid of the word “whom” altogether. Forever. It’s a pain in the neck, and might be the most confounding word in the dictionary. At least it is in my dictionary. I always have to stop and think before I say it, and generally have to refer to Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style” before I write “whom.” Or “who.”
(Note: I wrote this with all of the quotation marks in the right places, but there were so many that they made me dizzy. So I took most of them out.)
Explaining whom and who is like trying to explain the infield fly rule. It can’t be done. Who’s on first? is correct. Whom’s on first? is not. But for whom the bell tolls? is correct. For who the bell tolls? is not.
By the time you finish reading this you’ll be as confused as I am and maybe join me in the movement to get rid of whom.
Over time other words have become archaic and have been tossed away. When was the last time you heard someone say brabble or charabanc? Or deliciate. That is not a misspelling of delicate. Who in the world would miss whom? (I think I got that right.)
We don’t have to get rid of the whole word. Just the “m.” Then we would only have who and there would be absolutely no confusion.
Saying whom just sounds like you went to college. It’s pretentious, like awnt for aunt. I stay from anyone who says awnt.
Listen. We have a great band named The Who. And another one named The Guess Who. But there is no The Whom filling arenas. But there is a WHOM playing The Who. It’s 94.9 WHOM-FM in Portland, Maine. I couldn’t work there.
Actually I kind of know what to do. Who and whom are both pronouns. Use who when you are referring to the subject of a clause, and whom when you are referring to the object of a clause.
Even so, when I have to pause to make a decision about the correct word, it means I am unsure of myself and I don’t like to be unsure of myself. I am fairly nimble with words, but sometimes I just go around whom and who. So instead of saying, With whom did you go to the sock hop? I might just say, Did you go to the sock hop with your smokin’ girlfriend?
Does anyone under the age of 18 know what sock hops were? They were high school gymnasium dances on wood flooring. So off came your shoes. And dances were called hops. “At the Hop” was a monster hit for Danny and the Juniors. I may be wandering away from the pointe I was trying to make.
But who cares?
Maybe the next time I will propose that we banish the word “awesome” for, oh, about 10 years.
Craig Marshall Smith is an artist, educator and Highlands Ranch resident. He can be reached at craigmarshallsmith@comcast.net