“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go …
My mother said
To pick the very best one
And you are not it.”
I chanted that children’s rhyme in my mind the evening of Thursday, March 13.
I wasn’t trying to select a man; I was trying to figure out what to wear for my fifth date in three years. (Yes, I’m counting and will continue to do so until the number at least reaches the double digits!)
After trying on about 12 outfits and annoying my teenage baby-sitter, who was graciously advising me, I settled for an outfit that felt comfortable rather than fancy and awkward: Army green slacks and a white shirt with a brown jacket.
OK, so the date called for dinner rather than fishing, but it made me feel more confident. At least my lip didn’t twitch this time, and my mumbling chatterbox tendencies took the high road. I won’t describe my perspiration; fisherwomen don’t talk about such things.
I obviously made the right choice, because the first thing he said was, “Your pictures don’t do you justice.”
The comment warmed me, but after giving it a second thought, I realized, “Gosh, I better switch out my photos” (which are posted on an online dating site where I met my date).
Anyhow, I digress.
According to my “Dating for Dummies” book, you have to start with confidence — not bravado or bluster — even if you’re faking it.
I surely was, although the perma-grin plastered to my face might have given me away.
“Confidence is the ability to trust yourself and convey that sense to others, and appearance is half the battle,” the book states.
But confidence means more than that, said Beth Davis, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arvada.
“Confidence means believing in yourself and having the resiliency to bounce back if things don’t go your way,” she said.
That’s a vital component when it comes to dating, because rejection is a part of the process. Not everybody is meant for everybody, and a person should not take it personally if his or her date doesn’t find them compatible, Davis said.
“If you’re stuck in cycle of low self-esteem, it’s hard to believe that you’re good or have anything to offer,” Davis said. “It’s like looking through dirty glasses, and you can’t see clearly who you are.”
There are ways to break the cycle. For those who want to date, but need to work on their self-esteem, Davis advises people to talk with friends or seek a counselor.
“Talk to a friend about your good qualities, and write it down. Look at the list when you doubt yourself.”
Davis also is a big proponent of exercise, because it physiologically makes one feel better, and it raises self-esteem.
“We all have our bodies, and they’re all unique. You may or may not lose weight, but you’ll feel better in your body,” she said. “When you’ve got a healthy self-esteem, you’re going to pick up partners who are healthy.
“Confidence is sexy, and people are attracted to people who are confident.”
My most recent date had no problem with confidence — unless he was faking, too. He chatted away about his travels and work, and I enjoyed listening. At the end of the date, he asked me if I would see him again on Saturday night.
On Saturday morning, however, he canceled out, saying he had things to do before going out of town on business, but he would call me when he returned.
Who knows if he was telling the truth; it was the first time we met. I’d like to think that he was. I won’t fret — either way.
In the meantime, there are plenty of other fish in the sea: “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe …”
Dana Bieber is assistant editor of Mile High Newspapers. To send funny dating mishaps, e-mail Bieber at danab@milehighnews.com. If you would like to contact Beth Davis, call 303-426-7988.
YOU ARE READY TO DATE IF:
• You’ve got a stable place to live and a way to make a living.
• You have a reasonably good working relationship with your parents (OK, so long as you’re not at war).
• You have a friend or two hanging about.
• You know how to make yourself reasonably happy.
• You’d really like some tension and aggravation and excitement and fun and worry and uncertainty in your life.
Source: “Dating for Dummies” by Dr. Joy Browne
UPCOMING
FINDING A MATCH: Taking a close look at who you are and what you want