GUEST COLUMN
The days come and go with Alzheimer’s patients, some better than others. The disease slowly takes its toll on the victim and those who love them. At first there is a bit of forgetfulness, perhaps a misplaced checkbook or a missed birthday. Eventually, it can progress to a loss of communication skills and the unawareness of surroundings.
As a son of a woman with Alzheimer’s, I wonder how long it will be before the disease takes its final toll on the person who raised me, attended my countless Christmas performances and school plays and stood in the stands for all my many football and baseball games.
My wife, Julie, and I struggled with the decision to care for Mom here in our home. We have been blessed with a home and the means to provide her with comfortable surroundings, but could we give her the care she needed in these closing years or months? We felt a moral obligation to do whatever we could to give her the best quality of life as we possibly could, but would that be in our home or a local nursing facility or retirement home? These are questions that I knew would someday need to be answered. The difficulty was, that someday was now. We decided to take on the responsibility ourselves and bring Grace, my mom, home to share her last days with us.
The difficult times are obvious, and I don’t need to expound on them here, but there are some really unique moments that I am so blessed to not have missed. Times, when she is back in the third grade in Camden, N.J., recalling the antics of the little boy who sits next to her or the ice cream vendor that would bring his fresh ice cream to the children who played on 28th Street.
The word “recalling” is perhaps not the correct description, but it more accurately depicts “living the moment.” Because whatever her brain is transmitting at any given moment, it propels her back in “real time.” It is an experience I can’t quite describe, to see a parent actually, and I mean actually, reliving their past. As precious as those moments are, the reality of the disease resurfaces, and we are once again faced with that reality. Not only the reality of the illness, but the reality of dealing with “doughnut holes” in mom’s health plan and the inequality of some of our government programs. If I can encourage anyone who might be reading this, please review any and all of your elderly loved ones’ insurance plans and all the “loop holes.” There have certainly been some surprises that we weren’t prepared for.
My mother was wise enough, years ago, to buy an insurance plan that provided for “in-home, non-medical care,” when a doctor prescribed such. That forethought has been invaluable in our being able to accommodate mom. That plan provides us with six hours a day of care giving from a wonderful company called Home Instead. We contract another six hours a day privately from Margarets Dependable Care, and I can’t say enough about the tremendous women that she supplies. The quality of care has been extraordinary, and the results that Bonnie and Juanee, caregivers from Margarets, have achieved are unbelievable!
No, they aren’t reversing the progress of the disease, they are giving her the one-on-one care she so desperately requires. I see smiles that I had almost forgotten, and that occasional twinkle in her eye that I thought was forever gone. I am so thankful for these care providers.
Finally, there is Julie, my wife. I don’t know that God has ever created a better person. She has been there for mom in the most difficult of times and shown a love for her that is amazing. I will never be able to tell her or show her how much her actions have meant to me. She is the love of my life, and the best friend that Grace has ever had.
We, together, only have been able to care for mom with the help of others and a tremendous faith in God. Sure, we have asked the “why us” question, but our faith has assured us that there is a reason for everything and that God is in control. We are blessed to have had Grace in our lives and blessed to help her in this her final stage of life.