The coming of September and the shortening of days herald the
return of school. This time can be exciting and challenging as
families and young people transition from the “lazy” days of summer
to the more busy and demanding schedules of the school
year.
During any period of transition, your child’s unique ways of
coping with change become apparent. You may feel as though you are
dragging your child, kicking and screaming, toward the inevitable
arrival of the school bus. By contrast, your child may look forward
to the kick-off of the new school year and experience it as nothing
more than a slight bump in the road.
In either case, there are actions you can take to make the
return to school as positive as possible:
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Model a positive attitude toward change. Modeling is one of the
most important, and most difficult, jobs of parenthood. Whether you
are a relatively new parent or one who has raised several kids,
you’ve probably noticed that your son or daughter avidly watches,
and often copies, everything you do. As the parent, you are in the
position to give your child cues about appropriate ways of reacting
and behaving.
If you act the way you would like your child to act in a variety
of situations, they will learn from you. The attitudes that you
portray about life issues such as change will most likely be
adopted by your child and carried on throughout their
lifetime.
Modeling provides an opportunity to make a positive, lasting
impact on your child and his or her future. Statements such as, “It
is so exciting that you are starting the 6th grade!” “What cool new
things do you think you’ll learn and do this year?” and “I am so
proud of you for everything you’ve accomplished so far. I can’t
wait to see what you achieve this year,” all send the message that
change and new situations can be good.
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Set a routine and be consistent. Daily routines are important to
help establish a sense of well being in your child. When kids know
that they can rely on the same home routine despite how their
school day goes, they often feel comforted and safe. The more
similar morning, afternoon, and evening routines can be from day to
day, the better.
If possible, beginning school time routines a week or so before
the actual first day of school can be beneficial in transitioning
from the less structured summer. Don’t forget to structure
important priorities such as study time, family time, chores, and
free time into the weekly routine. Creating an actual “routine
chart” can help your child visualize what to expect. Consider
creating the routine chart with your child, which can increase
investment, help with memory, and provide “together time.” If your
son or daughter has an especially difficult time with changes in
routine, you might want to review the plan for the next day each
night before bed. Throughout the day, reminders such as, “You
brushed your teeth, now what comes next?” can be helpful as
well.
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Address feelings and fears directly. The many social and
academic pressures of school can seem overwhelming to young people.
For this reason, it is extremely important to provide a forum for
your child to express any feelings, fears, or insecurities that
arise with the start of a new school year.
Sharing some of your own school memories can help elicit your
child’s feelings. In so doing, be careful that you do not transfer
additional fears onto them. Discussing a problem that you
experienced and the way you handled it might be helpful. If the
stage is set for this type of open communication, your child will
be more likely to bring problems to you as they advance in school
and the difficulties become more complex.
It is essential to incorporate the child into the
problem-solving approach when conflicts arise in the school
setting. You can discuss varying solutions to the problems that
confront your son or daughter, decide which solution is best, and
support them in implementing that solution. Keep in mind that
merely being able to express feelings and fears is often the best
solution.
Rehearsing how your child will handle a feared situation can
also provide a powerful tool in addressing their strong
feelings.
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Set goals with your child. Just as a rib-eye steak cannot be
eaten in one bite and a marathon cannot be run without practice,
long-term goals cannot be achieved over night. Goals are
indispensable in life, so learning to set goals early is highly
important. Furthermore, if a young person learns to set goals and
follow through, they also learn to trust themselves, feel confident
in their abilities, and appreciate the end result of
commitment.
In short, their self-esteem is positively impacted. Creating
goals for the school year with your child can be an important first
step toward ensuring success. Goals should be desirable to your
child, realistic, achievable, and specific. They should be cut-up
into bite-sized pieces or smaller tasks – such as, goal is to get a
C or above in math, task is to do math homework every night and get
help when needed.
Goals should be reviewed and revised, if necessary, on a regular
basis. Finally, if a goal is not achieved, the situation can be
used as a valuable learning experience.
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Communicate with your child’s school and teachers. Maintaining
consistent communication with the school and being active in your
child’s educational process are vital to your child’s
success.
Involvement in the school sends your child the message that
education is important to you. Regular communication with the
school also enables teamwork to take place toward the best
interests of your child. The school benefits from your expertise as
the parent and you, in turn, can benefit from the school’s
experience in educating young people.
Alyce Duckworth is a licensed clinical social worker for
Arapahoe/Douglas Mental Health Network. For more information on
this column or on mental health issues in general, contact
Arapahoe/Douglas Mental Health Network at (303) 797-9346 or
www.admhn.org.